Series 10 Episode 1 Holosimulants
by The Hype619
Summary: Based on Lauren Scavengers series 9. Holosimulants--- Freaky


Series 10, episode 1 !Holosimulants!  
  
Based on Series 9 by Lauren Scavenger, All references to series 9 are used with the authorization of Lauren Scavenger. So here it goes, Series 10 read and review plz. Remember this one's a cliffhanger so be sure to wait for series 10 episode 2. Snapback. Oh and Lauren, I finished it. Hope you like.  
  
It had happened again,  
  
Rimmer thought while pacing his quarters, He had become a hologram again, "TWICE" he thought. It just wasn't fair, most people only died once but not Rimmer, he had to go through the experience twice. Ever since they had landed on that derelict spaceship nothing had gone right. He couldn't even enjoy torturing lister anymore, not since he had found the holowhip. Not to mention that he didn't remember how he had conquered his fears. Being poisoned by a spider was bad enough, but being eaten alive?  
  
In his separate quarters Lister was enjoying his evening meal of curry and lager and listening to RastaBilly skank. Life was good, he thought, he had been very pleased with himself ever since raiding that derelict spaceship and finding a lifetimes supply of curries (which filled up three decks) and lager (two giant vats stuck to the bottom of red dwarf). It was too bad Rimmer had died again. "The smeg it is" he thought.  
  
Kryten was sitting down in the galley after he had prepared Mr Lister's meal when holly came on the screen, "red alert, red alert. A simulant appears to have stowed away on the ship. I'm currently tracking it through the cargo bay. Kryten dashed off down the corridor (or the mechanoid equivalent, which was a fast waddle)  
  
Lister had gone to Rimmer's quarters to try to cheer him up when Kryten came in, "please sir's a simulant has appeared to have stowed away in the cargo bay". "Get the bazookoids Kryten, Lister said in alarm, "that thing isn't leaving here". "Come on Rimmer" he said, before noticing Rimmer had gone out the other door. It was at that moment the Cat decided that he should make an appearance. Throwing him a bazookoid Lister walked out the door with kryten and Cat following him.  
  
Meanwhile, the simulant, which we see, is crawling around the cargo bay, as it does not have any legs. It hastens its pace and disappears around a corner as it hears someone coming. Rimmer, who has come down to the cargo bay to hide and doesn't know that the stowaway is down here, gets a shock when he hears a scratching sound. "Who's there"? Rimmer said, surprised and scared tones in his voice. "I must warn you, I know karate". No you don't called the simulant, you don't even know how to peel a potato" (no pun intended, I wonder what that thing did with the potatoes it ate). "HHHHHHHEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP" Rimmer screamed, "LLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR"  
  
Hearing Rimmers scream, Lister took off at a run toward the cargo bay. "Why don't we just wait until it's finished him and then go down and shoot it while its weak, Cat asked stupidly. "Because Rimmer is part of the crew" Lister said as if he agreed with what the cat had to say. "Come on, it's the posse way, one in trouble all in trouble we're the boys from the dwarf" doing the hand shake thing. Opening the door into the cargo bay, Lister saw a movement in the shadows, accidentally taking out a light with bazookoid fire. Hearing a laugh lister turned around; there behind him was the simulant, holding Rimmer by the neck. "How'd you do that?" lister asked the simulant. "I am a holosimulant, built like you're holowhip I have the ability to hurt and torture holograms and living beings. That was the last thing Lister heard before the lights went out.  
  
Waking up Lister found the holosimulant with its back facing him apparently doing something to the Cat. "AAAAAAHHHH" the Cat screamed. When the simulant moved out of the way, Lister could see that the simulant had stuck electrodes into the Cat and had electrocuted him using a strange looking device. Feeling his forehead lister noticed that he had these on his head as well, and that he was strapped into a chair in the drive room. On the screen, Holly was unable to do anything but watch on in horror. "What do you want"? Lister asked the simulant. Reacting to Lister's voice the simulant pressed a button on his device and lister felt his body spasm as electricity leapt through it. Then everything went black again.  
  
Kochanski hadn't heard the noise of the ship being taken over as she had been fixing the pipes, as these ones had started nureeking and making a various assortment of other sounds. "SHUT UP" she yelled to the pipes. Getting fed up she went upstairs to have some cottage cheese with pineapple chunks in and heard The Cat sobbing. "What's wrong Cat", Kochanski called, heading into the cargo bay. As she neared the door she heard another wail, listers this time. She picked up a bazookoid from the weapons cabinet and ran into the room. Before the Holosimulant could react, kochanski took a shot at him but before it hit he faded into his holographic state and the shot hit the back wall harmlessly. She ran out of the room before the simulant could regain his solid form.  
  
Hours later, the holosimulant was still trying to find kochanski. In his haste however he forgot to check on lister, kryten and the cat that had now worked themselves free. As they left the room kochanski fell out of the weapons cabinet along with four bazookoids and a small radiation pistol which she pocketed. The holosimulant was now in listers quarters having a heated discussion with Talkie Toastertm The toaster just couldn't believe that anything wouldn't want to eat toast. "Try some," he urged, but the simulant had hardly blinked before he shot the toaster and left the room.  
  
The gang had all come up to Lister's quarters to think of a plan but on seeing the movement of the simulant they all cocked their bazookoids and took a shot. As the simulant heard the shots fired he faded himself out and once again became the hologram. Before he could return to his solid-state lister noticed a small shiny thing just above the simulants waist. "Oh yeah", he thought, "He must have a lightbee too". "Kris aim for his bellybutton, it's where his light bee is." Hearing more shots the simulant returned to his holographic state and he just had time to look down before his light bee exploded in a green mist (ace rimmer style).  
  
"Snuffed him," Lister said with a huge grin on his face. That was all he could say, because at that moment they felt a huge drag on the ship. "What's going on holly" was all he could ask before they disappeared. 


End file.
